Schleich Theater: Recreating Paul's Snowy Owl Sighting

Oh, good evening, and welcome to Schleich Theater. I am your host, Damon's Oldest Son's Schleich Peregrine Falcon, but you can call me SPF (all my friends do). Today we are going to act out a reenactment of the famous "Snowy Owl Sighting" by Paul Frost. So won't you join me for a cup of tea and a bite to eat while we sit back and watch what I like to call "When the Frost Meets the Snow."

I must warn you, however, that while this play is based on real events, we have taken many artistic liberties to add a sense of drama and unfolding that are, perhaps, not terribly existent in birder stories. I assure you that even if things did not transpire exactly like they are acted out, they are still within the same spirit. Similarly, all dialog is assumed.



ACT I: We open with our main protagonists "Paul" and "Maggie" driving outside of St. Clet, Quebec, Canada. Their goal is to find a snowy owl, but their conversation is on events of the world:

Paul: Oh Maggie, how I worry about the events of the world! Here we are in something called "St. Clet" while others are going without! How can I live with myself? What will I do to banish these feelings concern? Will not this drive through the French Canadian countryside bring about peace in my mind?

Paul: We must find a diversion! We must clear our minds of the crushing despair and horrors that others of the world must suffer through. How, oh how, can we do this?

Maggie: Paul, my dear, I know the answer to your mental travails! We should, nay we must, seek out a Snowy Owl. It is only through that bird that things will be right, and you can lord it over Damon because there is no way he'll see one of those down in Pennsylvania. As luck would have it, there has been a spotting of one right here in fake-sounding St. Clet.

Paul: Maggie, you speak only the truth! Long have I longed to gaze upon a Snowy Owl. Its fluffy white feathers and large hunting talons are things that arouse my interest. Let us find this regal bird that would be wasted on such mundane tasks like delivering mail!

Paul: Hark, could that be our quarry yonder? I know I am driving, but I cannot help myself because I am a birder! Do you not see my level of dedication?
Maggie: I do see your level of dedication, but I do not see any snowy owl.  Perhaps we should look on a barn or other large structure?
Paul: Never will it be on a barn, look over in these woods, perhaps?

Maggie: It is folly to look in the woods as the sun descends in the winter sky. A fools errand even if we possessed the eyesight of said owl! Do as you do, but I will continue to look for a barn or similarly structured edifice.

Maggie: Wait, are my eyes deceiving? Have I spotted something over there? Paul, look there!

Maggie: On that barn!

Paul: It is true! The Snowy Owl!

Beautiful and majestic, the snowy owl sat there, unaware she was being watched. Until...

ACT II: Our intrepid birders have found the Snowy Owl. But something occurs which will change their life forever.

Snowy Owl: Oh why do these damn birders have to bother me all the time? Let me be, as I am just a lonely Snowy Owl who gets tired of these impersonal interactions. Why can't I find a more substantial relationship? Who are these people anyway?

At that point a connection, perhaps cosmic, perhaps divine, was created between our Snowy Owl and Paul. Something amazing, something wonderful, something forbidden.

Paul and Snowy Owl knew their love was wrong, but they still found time to sneak away and confess their feelings to each other in an awkward, interspecies sort of way.

Paul: Wow, I have never been so happy as I have been within the warmth of your down. Your feathers caress me and when we kiss, you beak...well, that part isn't the greatest, but everything else! And you let me go cloacal!

Snowy Owl: We are one, nothing could tear us apart, but what of your wife?

Paul: She would never understand.

Just then, a door flies open and in comes Maggie!

Maggie: Paul, what is this? I do not understand?

Paul: It isn't what you think! I've just been really in into birding lately. Me and Damon have a different list that you don't know about.

SLAP!

Paul: No, come back! You don't understand, Damon would never get a Snowy Owl on his list, let alone in bed. I had to!

And end scene

A cautionary tale. I would like to say that this was entirely fictional, but I have known too many birders who chased and caught sight of the Snowy Owl only to have the same thing happen.